maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
