so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
