This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
