we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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