Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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