I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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