remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
