the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
