I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
