I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
