Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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