They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
