her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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