I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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