batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
