Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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