just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
not ubering you a puppy
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
