Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
