So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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