I hate all girls vehemently.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
