we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
