I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
