i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
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