If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
