he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
