brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
