Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
