god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
