I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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