the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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