i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
