so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
