Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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