So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
