Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
