Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
