Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
