i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
