what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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