That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
