If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
