CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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