Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
