My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
