I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
