i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
