We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
