..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
