If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
