I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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