He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
it's like heaven, but drunker
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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