Just fell off a train. Bad.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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