Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
bring money and cleavage
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
